eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
