hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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