I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
