i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I did not marry a roomba.
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