Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
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