I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
