I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
