I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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