k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
