If i could tip my vagina, i would.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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