I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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