Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
