It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
