So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
