I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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