escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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