yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
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