So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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