Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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