I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
