i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
We are all done wearing pants today
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
