I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
