put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
