After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
