The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
