I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
