her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
