I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
