Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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