Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
