All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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