Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
and she was petting her beer can
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
vagina is talking i cant
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
