You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
