hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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