Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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