a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
