I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
