Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Randomize
