He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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