that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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