Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
