Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
