Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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