Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Randomize
