I want to have your abortion
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
