I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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