I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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