For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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