Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
