There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
