its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
