I smell stomach acid.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Randomize
