census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
