Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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