there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
